I am going to get right to it.
I have lost at love many times. My heart as been shattered time and time again. But as I have written in past posts, trials produce perseverance. Healing is hard. Painful. Excruciating. But not healing perpetuates a life of repeated mistakes and misplaced worth. Believe me, that is harder.
No human is ever meant to be the person who fills our souls or holds in place our worth. Only God can do that. I admit it, I've gone all-in, heart first while believing superficial gestures displayed rather than waiting for substantive character to emerge. There's a big difference between:
A man who flatters you, and a man who compliments you.
A man who spends money on you, and a man who invests in you.
A man who views you as property, and a man who views you properly.
A man who lusts after you, and a man who loves you.
A man who looks to enjoy you only when life is easy, and a man who finds joy with you when life's hard.
A man who believes he is God's gift to women, and a man who remembers a woman was God's gift to man.
I wrote this blog post a couple of years ago to encourage a young woman who was devastated after a break-up. Tonight, perhaps one of you (or me) could use it too.
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Beautiful, strong girl -
You can do hard things. You already have.
You can overcome pain. You already have.
And this will be no different.
And even though I believe in your strength, I also know you are not deserving of this treatment. It's not fair and it doesn't feel right to be hurt when you have loved someone so much and so well. Nonetheless, you are being made to endure heartbreak which means there is a purpose for the pain.
I know EXACTLY the loss you are overwhelmed with and the devastation your heart feels. You know it too. You have before had to endure a loss so great that words cannot adequately comfort. But yet here you are again, having to face saying goodbye to someone you love deeply, wholly and profoundly. It is crushing and it hurts in parts of you you didn't know were there. But I want you to know one very important thing. Your future is never tied to someone who chooses to make you a part of their past. And don't you for one minute make someone a priority in your life when he has only made you an option in his.
Know your worth baby girl!
You are a child of the most high God. That makes you royalty. A princess. You wear a crown of favor and you, sweet girl, are more precious than gold and rubies. Lift your head precious one, for if not, the crown falls. Walk tall and face the sun knowing you are destined for great things ahead of you for that is where the best days of your life are, out ahead in the sunlight.
If there is a particular person in your life that is repeatedly choosing not to honor you and is causing you more sadness or pain than they are joy - it might be time to release that friendship back to God and trust that it is not where you belong. I know you thought the rest of your life would be with him who you loved so very well. I believe you were a gift to him for a season in time. You encouraged him, supported him, laughed with him, and shared special memories together that you will have forever. God used your presence in his life to help him. But I think God is closing a door in your life in order to direct you to His greater purpose and more glorious plan for you.
Usually, what feels like God's rejection, is His redirection. He tells us "no" sometimes to bring us to something much, much better than we could think or imagine. As much as it hurts, and as much as you don't understand - please allow yourself to trust His will and I promise you, baby girl - you will discover a life and future that is beyond your wildest dreams and expectations. God will use this pain for your good. He will. Let Him have control of your heart. Gosh, you will be so glad you did.
Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake & help us see we are worth so much more than what we were settling for. I know it's scary. It’s okay to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave. It takes courage to choose not to be disrespected anymore. It takes courage to choose to honor yourself when the person you love won't honor you. It takes courage to forge ahead when what you thought you loved is staying behind. Confidence is not "They will like me." Confidence is "I'll be fine if they don't"! There are two things in life you will never have to chase, beg, or make ultimatums to; true friends and perfect love.
You can love him, forgive him, and want good things for him, but still move on without him. You will never gain anyone's approval by begging for it. When you stand confident in your own worth, respect follows. A weak man cannot love a strong woman because he does now know what to do with her.
Oh, how I wish I could take this pain from you. But I can't. No one can. But you can do this. You will find the purpose of this pain and it will strengthen you like diamonds and gold. You can do hard things sweet girl, and know that you are surrounded by love, support, and those in your life who truly think you are the most remarkable young woman deserving of a man who is your equal. You are. It's time to meet the woman after him. The strong, successful, vibrant, accomplished, amazing woman who is waiting for you to create her. And once you do, you won't look back....except to see how far you've come.
All my love sweet girl.
And all my prayers.