Updated: Dec 8, 2019
My best friend Cari, tells me about a time in a relationship that she was in that she used to say to her former fiance that they were poking holes in their relationship boat everytime they lost patience with each other, said an unkind word or participated in any action that could hurt their relationship.
Their boat sank.
That got me to thinking, do we poke holes in our own boats? Do we mistreat ourselves and wonder why we are feeling frustrated, depressed or stuck?
When is the last time you did something for yourself that made you feel as if you appreciated yourself? It fascinates me that I look at the sky and think "WOW, God is so amazing" but then I look in the mirror and think "ugh"...as if He didn't make both.
I recently started a 90 day journey of self appreciation. My life coach (yes, coaches should have coaches and the best ones eliminate all ego and allow themselves to learn and grow too! In fact, if you're working with a coach - ask them to introduce you to their coach, if they can't, fire them immediately) recommended that for 90 days, at the end of most days, I write in a journal something I appreciate about myself. Some nights I grasp at something and some nights I could write for hours but it has been teaching me self love.
Self love allows ourselves to set our value. If you are waiting for someone to love you to feel valuable, you are giving someone else the power to name your price. They may treat you like you belong in the clearance section but when you love yourself, you know immediately that your true worth is that of an Apple product - never discounted! Self love exposes your true worth.
I love this mantra I recently heard by Jerry Flowers:
"You are worth being loved.
You are worth being respected.
You are worth being honored.
You are worth a relationship that compliments your purpose, not clutters your sanity!"
I've spent so many years in friendships and relationships with those who mistreated me. Typically, the reason mistreatment occurs from someone is because they can't afford you. You should be too expensive for some people. That's not arrogance, it's Godfidence! When you know who you are the child of, that your father is a King, you should never accept treatment from someone that isn't at the level of royalty.
Recently, a guy on an online dating site debated with me that he was ready to date after suffering a heart attack, quintuple bypass, diagnosed with stage 3 cancer, his wife left him for her lover and took his children from him, went through two rounds of chemo, had numerous surgeries, radiation, and other therapies and was currently separated ALL IN 2018 - 2019 (yes, I have the screenshot of the conversation to prove it) . And then went on to tell me that his therapists, doctors and priest all told him he was ready. I simply encouraged him to fire them all. DUDE! C'mon! Ain't no priest telling a married man to date....I could so go on here but my point is, he lacked the necessary emotional funds to cover any kind of check he thought he could write. And he certainly couldn't afford me and what I know my value is.
We can be our own worst enemy when we look to the validation of others for our own feelings of adequacy. You can't find you in someone else's heart, arms or mind. And if you are looking to someone who is emotionally depleted, you will never be appraised at your full value. You are only found in Jesus and when you stop looking around and fix your eyes on the one who loves you most - friend - your world will change.
So are you poking holes in your own boat? Are you undervaluing your worth and allowing circumstances, disappointments and lack of self discipline determine how much you can demand from others? Raise your price! Increase your appraisal because your boat can't sink when your Captain walks on water.